The biggest expense most people have in NYC is rent. While you might have been happy enough to split a place with your roommate when you were single, once you get a partner you might be thinking about moving in together. After all, you want to spend time together (and save on rent).
Moving in together isn’t something you should decide on a whim. There’s a lot that goes into the process and the process of moving can really test the strength of your relationship. If you don’t plan well, it could even lead to a huge fight and, in some cases, has even led to a break up. Luckily, it doesn’t have to be that way! While moving in general is stressful, there are plenty of steps you can take to make the switch to cohabitation easier.
Talk About It!
It might be tempting to just move in together out of convenience. There are plenty of reasons to consider cohabiting and some of the most common include:
- Save money
- Lease is up
- Roommate moved out
- Already spend time at your partner’s place or vice versa
However, before you decide to take the plunge, you both need to make a conscious decision to move in together and figure out if it is the right next step for your relationship. That means taking the time to talk to each other and figure out the why of living together versus the practical reasons. That means talking about things like your goals, what moving in together signifies in the relationship, if you both are financially and personally ready, and so on.
Don’t neglect smaller details like your sleep routines. Ideally, you would both have the same work hours as that would mean you probably have similar sleep schedules. Sleep is a big deal as it’s essential for both your mental and physical health. If you don’t know it already, learn about each other’s alarms and routine. Do you prefer reading a book or watching TV before bed? Do you both like taking a shower before bed or in the morning? The more you know, the more you can prepare.
On top of that, you should hopefully know each other’s dietary restrictions, allergies, work schedule, daily routine, pets, drug usage, etc. If not, discuss it! The more open you are about communication and your needs, the better. Of course, you might have to make some compromises.
This is an important discussion so don’t neglect this step. If you need to, spread the discussion over a few days and don’t feel pressured to make a decision right away. Take some time away after the two of you have talked to figure out if this is truly the right step. This might take a few days or even a week!
Of course, you have to come to a decision at some point. If, after discussing, you or the other person still can’t decide, it’s probably best that you don’t move in together. Even if you can’t explain the reason behind the hesitancy, if you’re not able to give an enthusiastic yes to moving in together, you probably shouldn’t. It will only lead to issues down the road.
Keep an Eye on Red Flags
Just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have to move in together. In fact, in some cases, it’s probably better not to move in! When deciding whether you should share a tiny NYC apartment together, consider the following red flags:
- Your relationship is new
- You have major unresolved conflict
- You’re trying to avoid a breakup
- One of you is financially dependent
- One of you feels like they don’t have enough personal space already
- The decision is one-sided
On the other hand, if you have the following green flags, it’s probably a good sign you that the two of you are ready to start living together:
- Your relationship is stable (not on again, off again)
- You can resolve conflicts in a healthy way
- You have are aware of each other’s living habits
- You are both independent
- The decision is mutual
Still, even if all signs point to go, you probably shouldn’t sign a lease immediately. Instead, spend a few consecutive days living with your partner to see if it’s a good match. If you can swing it, a week is even better as it gives you even more time to see if your living needs are compatible.
Talk About Chores and Money
Both topics are huge triggers for arguments in a relationship so if you want to live with your partner successfully, you’ll have to discuss the details. Instead of trying to tackle both topics at once, break it up between two days.
It might seem like micromanagement, but deciding who does what chore the majority of the time can help reduce resentment. Talk about chores and responsibilities. Maybe you don’t mind washing the dishes, but you’d rather not vacuum the apartment. Or maybe you like cooking, but you want your partner to wash the dishes after.
Sit down and talk about everything and how you will split up the duties. Start by delegating tasks based on what you both prefer. From there, split the other tasks based on availability. If one of you works 12 hour days while the other only works 8 hours, the person with fewer hours should pick up a few more chores.
Once you’ve delegated the chores, discuss how often each one should be done. Maybe one of you is more affected by messiness than the other. See if you can compromise on the frequency of the task. Do you really need to scrub the tub every day or can you reduce that to once a week. There might not be compromises for certain tasks like vacuuming, especially if you have pets. So work together to come up with a solution you can both agree on.
After that, it’s time to discuss money! Sure, it’s not the most exciting topic, however it’s important to know each other’s expectations and set boundaries early on. If one of you makes significantly more than the other, you should discuss whether splitting all the bills 50/50 makes sense or if the person who makes more should pay a larger amount. You should also draft a budget together that works for everyone and decide whether you want to keep your accounts separate or open a joint account for rent, bills, groceries, home supplies, and other necessities. The more detailed you get, the less conflict there will be about money.
Take Inventory of Your Stuff
Moving in with someone means you both will probably have to downsize your belongings. After all, you’re not going to need two beds and you probably won’t be able to fit two couches in a standard NYC apartment.
Once you have decided to live together, create an inventory of every item you own and have your partner do the same. You can keep two separate documents, but it’s better to have a shared document where you can both make changes or notes. That way, you can easily see if you have any duplicate items. While you can organize this spreadsheet however you like, you should make sure to include things like:
- Amount
- Dimensions (especially for furniture)
- Approximate date of purchase
- Brief description
- Condition
Once you’ve put together the list, it’ll be a lot easier to downsize your belongings. Does your partner have a newer mattress? Then you can get rid of yours. Go down the list and decide how many of each item you really need. There’s no need for two blenders, but you might want to combine your silverware and plates, especially if your partner only has one or two.
Outside of this, you can start decluttering your own stuff like clothes, shoes, toiletries, etc. Chances are you probably have items that you no longer wear or use, so get rid of them! You’re making a brand new start in a shared place so you want to make sure you both have enough space for your own things. Make sure your partner does the same. You should both be decluttering your apartment even if you are the one moving into their apartment or vice versa.
Schedule Solo and Together Time
Back when you lived separately, the time you spent together was precious because there was always a time limit. Once you live in the same apartment, you’ll be seeing each other every day, even on days you don’t want to! In order to keep your relationship fresh, make sure to schedule time apart. There’s no reason to drop hobbies or activities once you start living with someone, unless it is something that is actively harmful to you or your partner. Instead, embrace the differences! You’ll have a lot more interesting things to discuss if you’re not spending every waking second in the same space.
At the same time, make sure to spend some time together doing something you both enjoy. Have special nights and find ways to express your love and appreciation to keep that emotional connection strong. This can include things like a weekly-check in to talk about what’s going on and to share what each of you are thankful for in the other person. It might seem cheesy at first, but it’s a great way to keep an eye on how the relationship is going and what you both could do better.
Ready to Move in Together?
Taking that plunge to live together is a big deal. No matter how much you talk about it, you’ll still probably be nervous. But having important conversations ahead of time can help make the transition a lot smoother. And once you’re ready to move, make sure to contact professional NYC movers!
FAQ
Can NYC movers pick up items from two apartments and drop them off at our new place?
They sure can! Just make sure to let them know ahead of time so they can provide the appropriately sized truck and make the necessary stops.
What do I do if I need to move out of my apartment before the lease starts at my new place?
Your best bet is to put your belongings in storage. Many NYC movers offer storage solutions for occasions like these. You should always ask before booking the movers if they do offer this service. If they do, let them know how long you need to rent the unit.
We broke up, what do I do now?
If you broke up before you moved in together you still have time to cancel the movers as well as the lease. You might not get your deposits back, but you can avoid paying a cancellation fee. If it was a last minute breakup, you should reach out to friends and/or family members to see if you can stay with them until you’re able to find a more permanent solution.
